


Quite a Mess

by youjik33



Category: Arrested Development
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-09-16
Updated: 2013-09-16
Packaged: 2017-12-26 18:24:46
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,159
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/968844
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/youjik33/pseuds/youjik33
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The s4e11 "missing scene", or, how two supposedly straight guys ended up maybe having gay sex or something.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Quite a Mess

**Author's Note:**

> I started writing this in June. It was originally supposed to just be porn, but there's barely any sex. I have no excuses.

In the incredibly long minutes while Gob waited in the dark, it hit him just how haphazardly this plan had been thrown together. Alone with his thoughts, he could already see a few pretty big potential problems. The first was that the mask was damn uncomfortable for any length of time; there was sweat dripping down the back of his neck already. The second was that he was like a foot taller than Tony Wonder, which hopefully wouldn't be so obvious on the cameras.

The door opened then closed again, the hall light leaving him momentarily blind. He figured he should at least pretend to be into it, but it was kind of hard to get excited about the idea of sex with her. Again. It wasn't that easy to get excited about finally getting back at Tony, either, for some reason, so instead of something clever and sexy what he said was “What took you so long?”, voice muffled by the plastic.

“...Gob?”

Gob's heart leapt into his throat. That wasn't Beige's voice. If he hadn't been busy panicking in silence he might have noticed that Tony sounded just as surprised.  
Something had clearly gone wrong. Tony was early, and what the hell had happened to whats-her-name? There was always the original get-Tony-to-fall-in-love-and-break-his-heart plan – but Tony was straight, he remembered, that wasn't going to work. 

Speaking of Tony. Eyes barely starting to adjust to the dim light, Gob could see that he'd stepped closer to the bed. Tony's arm lifted, fingers brushing against Gob's cheek lightly.

“What the hell are you wearing?” he asked.

Gob, suddenly suspicious, reached out in response, and encountered the unmistakable feel of rubber. “What the hell are YOU wearing?” he countered.

For a moment they both just stood there, trying to process what was happening. Then they both moved at once, tugging on each other's masks. Gob's Tony mask caught on his ear; he slapped Tony's hand away and pulled it off himself. By the time he threw it across the room he was lying flat on his back and Tony was straddling him, hands twisted up in the front of Gob's robe.

Somehow it seemed even harder to breathe without the mask. They were both panting (with anger, obviously); all Gob could clearly see of Tony were his eyes, which were wide and bright. 

Then they were kissing. Gob wasn't entirely sure how that had happened, but his hand was on the back of Tony's neck and his tongue in Tony's mouth so maybe he had started it. They were kissing like they wanted to devour each other, and Tony tasted like spearmint gum and, faintly, cigarettes.

Every time Gob had started to think about actually getting this far with Tony his thoughts had diverted quickly to some unrelated tangent. But now that it was finally happening, it wasn't weird at all. Well, the beard scraping against Gob's cheek, that was new. It felt kind of good, actually. There were fingers sliding under Gob's robe to lightly stroke across his hipbone, and he gave a little gasp against Tony's mouth. He was actually getting hard, which was, well, kind of _gay_ , wasn't it? 

Maybe not, he thought hazily, sliding his right hand down Tony's side and giving his ass a squeeze. Maybe he was just reacting to the possibility of being able to put his dick in something. That was like, a totally normal male reaction, right? And, damn, Tony's ass was all firm and taut. He squeezed it again, this time with both hands, and Tony gave a little mangled groan near Gob's ear that was so sexy (wait, _sexy_?) that he did it again. Tony responded this time by biting his earlobe and sliding his fingers toward the inside of Gob's thigh.

“Agh,” Gob said. Why was he wearing just that stupid robe while Tony had all his clothes on? That didn't seem fair. But when he tried to make things a little more equal his uncooperative fingers fumbled with the zipper on Tony's shirt until Tony finally said “Here, let me-” and pushed his hands away. Gob, half propped up on his elbows, was torn between being grateful for the dim lighting and wishing he could see better when something whooshed past his ear.

“Fuck,” Tony muttered. “Sorry, I forgot, this was my glitter shirt-”

“'sokay,” Gob said, just before he inhaled glitter dust and launched into a full-scale coughing fit. 

“Want me to get you some water?” Tony asked, and Gob shook his head violently, because there was something going on here that he didn't understand but didn't want to lose, and if he let Tony out of the room now there was a good chance they'd both start actually thinking about what they were doing, which would ruin everything. Tony actually sounded like he _gave a shit_ , too, which was startling, but then again Gob already knew he was a good liar.

So he finally caught his breath, but then Tony started licking his neck and took it away again. Gob stopped worrying about how gay this all was, because now he was trying to figure out what to do with his hands. If Tony were a woman Gob would have his hands all over her boobs by now; instead he ran his fingers along the ridges of Tony's now-bare shoulderblades and down the bumps of his spine. Tony apparently liked to bite, little nips all over Gob's neck, and Gob apparently liked being bitten judging from the way his cock was throbbing.

“Jesus, Tony,” Gob said, breathless and light-headed. “I'm gonna fuck you so hard.”

Tony froze in Gob's arms, ceased his maddening series of bites, and drew his head back, brows furrowed as he stared down at Gob. “You're going to what now?”

“You heard me,” Gob said. 

“ _I'm_ going to fuck _you_ ,” Tony insisted, and when Gob laughed he sat upright and crossed his arms over his chest. “I don't get what's funny about that.”

“Well, you- you're- I mean, obviously I'm the top, right? You're all small and adorable.”

“My height is a _little_ below average, but – wait, you think I'm adorable?”

“Well, yeah,” Gob said. “I mean, you, I guess you're also sort of, I don't know, hot or whatever, but I just, uh...” He lost his train of thought because he had undone the button of Tony's fly and then realized he had just done that.

“Okay,” he said, pulling his hands back quickly and then – because he still wanted to touch – put them on Tony's hips instead. “So we both want to be on top.”

“There's only one way to settle this,” Tony pointed out, but they both picked paper three times in a row, and then Gob remembered he didn't actually have any lube anyway.

“Who sets up a gay sex date at their house and doesn't bother to get any lube?”

“You've been gay a lot longer than I have,” Gob retorted. He was more frustrated than angry; Tony was still sitting on him, and Gob didn't even know what he wanted any more.

But then Tony made everything all right by kissing him again. They rolled onto their sides, Tony's fingers stroking through Gob's chest hair, knee pushing between Gob's legs to nudge up against his balls, and Gob, suddenly feeling confident again, undid Tony's zipper and put his hand inside.

He waited a second for shock, horror, and/or disgust to make him pull away, but it didn't happen, so he wrapped his fingers around the length of Tony's dick and then pressed the pad of his thumb against the tip, which made Tony gasp “ _Fuck_ , Gob” and push against him.

“You like that?” The answer was pretty obvious; Gob really just wanted to hear Tony admit it out loud.

“Yeah,” Tony said, head buried against Gob's shoulder.

It wasn't that different from touching himself, and Tony was even about the same size (which was honestly a relief; this was _Tony fucking Wonder_ , and Gob had half expected him to have some kind of giant monster cock). Tony's jeans were stupidly tight and it took a little effort to reach further into his pants to cup his balls, where Gob found something that wasn’t at all the same.

“...huh,” he said. 

“It's a silicone implant,” Tony said against Gob's shoulder, with a sigh that implied he'd given this explanation before. 

Gob squeezed gently, fascinated. The right ball was notably rounder and firmer than the left. When Gob had read about that incident in _Poof_ years before he never imagined he'd be experiencing the outcome firsthand.

“Did it hurt?” he asked, which prompted another sigh from Tony.

“A dove tried to eat my testicle, what do you think?” With a quick jerk, Tony pulled the sash of Gob's robe open, the movement almost angry.

“You-” Gob said, but then his mind blanked again because Tony's fingers were on his dick. 

Handjobs had never been all that high up on the list of Gob's favorite things (if he had to make a list he'd put them just below really good nachos), but when it was Tony's fingers around him and Tony's mouth on his neck and Tony's beard scratching his skin, his own hand on Tony occasionally drawing out breathy, shaky-voiced profanity, it wasn't too surprising that they were coming all over each other's hands within minutes.

Tony's jeans had gotten tangled up around his knees; he squirmed out of them and tossed them to the floor while Gob grabbed some Kleenex off the nightstand. He handed a few to Tony and wiped off his hands while wondering if that counted as gay sex or not.

They lay on their backs in the dark, side by side, breathing evening out and falling gradually into sync. Gob felt like he should say something. His thigh was pressed flush against Tony's, and even though he was warm and sweaty he didn't want to move away. Tony's hand found his in the darkness, fingers twining together, and Gob squeezed it even while he was mentally panicking, because holding hands was definitely absolutely 100% unquestionably gay. 

“Gobie?” Tony asked.

“Yeah?” His voice came out hoarse and strange in his ears.

“Can you be totally honest with me for a minute?”

“Sure.” He even meant it, weirdly.

“You're not really gay, are you?”

That was scary, hearing Tony unsure of himself. He had always been so confident and in control and – well, and awesome, Gob had _never_ been able to convince himself that Tony Wonder wasn't awesome, nemesis or not.

There was a weird tight heaviness in Gob's chest. It felt a little like hunger and a little like nausea, and he forced himself to focus on it because he had the oddest feeling that it somehow held the answer to Tony's question. Heartburn? Tony's thumb stroked against the back of his hand. It kinda felt like heartburn, but in a good way. 

“I guess,” Gob said, “I guess maybe I'm gay for you?”

Tony laughed, a soft quavering laugh mixed with relief that Gob wanted to hear again and again forever. “Same,” he said, and Gob rolled on top of him and kissed his smile, jumpstarting an extended makeout session that culminated in one of the best 69s he had ever experienced.

“There's glitter on the ceiling,” Tony said after. Gob was feeling loopy, not quite having recovered from two orgasms and a rush of _feelings_ , so he just nodded dumbly. At the moment he did not give a shit if the entire model home was covered in glitter. At the moment Gob felt like he could drown in glitter and wouldn't care as long as Tony was still with him. 

He had swallowed Tony's cum without even questioning it and hell, had actually sort of liked it; he could still taste it, salty on the back of his tongue. He'd do it again in a second, _wanted_ to do it again. If Tony asked – and they had lube this time, because he was still nervous as fuck about the whole idea – he'd probably even agree to bottom for him. Once. To see what it was like. Maybe they could flip a coin or something the first time, and then take turns. He wouldn't mind taking turns. He'd be willing to compromise, for Tony.

_Shit_ , he thought hazily. _Is this love?_

Tony rolled over and Gob spooned against him, both of them just moving together without even having to talk about it, and Gob wrapped Tony up in his arms, and he fit there perfectly. He put his hand on Tony's chest and Tony grabbed onto it, and when he put his lips on the back of Tony's neck Tony _smelled_ good, and what the fuck was this because it was amazing and terrifying and he didn't know which of those adjectives kept making his heart pound.

“I think my nail polish broke on your carpet,” Tony murmured.

“I guess I should call the cleaning lady,” Gob said. “She's not going to come tomorrow.” But what he really wanted to do was lie there and smell Tony's hair. He had one of those colognes that was trying to mimic fresh mountain air or whatever, and had mastered the art of wearing just enough to smell incredibly sexy but only if you were already really, really close to him. Still, he managed to find his phone by blindly groping around on the nightstand, and left a semi-coherent voicemail asking Maria if she could maybe please stop over later. 

A little bubble of desperation was lurking somewhere under the pleasant-heartburn feeling as he wrapped himself around Tony again. He tried to focus on the warmth of the body in his arms,, but he could feel it coming, like it always did , building up until it spilled out as words. “Tony,” he said, hating the way his voice shook. 

Tony gave a soft snore and Gob, jolted out of his own head, bit his lip to try to hold in the laugh of relief and keep it from waking him.

He must have drifted a little himself, because Gob suddenly found himself jerking awake to the unmistakable sound of the front door opening. He started to slide his arm out from under Tony, who snorted and flailed and nearly hit him in the face. 

“It's just the maid,” Gob said, feeling around on the floor for his jeans with one hand and trying to shake the pins and needles out of the other.

“Was I asleep?" Tony asked.

“Either that or you're really good at fake-snoring. And fake drooling in your sleep.”

“Hey, fuck you,” Tony said affectionately, throwing the pillow at Gob's head and missing.

And Gob was smiling, just grinning ear to ear as he buttoned his shirt and found his shoes, because he was so content and so happy he didn’t think he'd ever be able to stop. The scenario was all kinds of fucked up but that didn't change the fact that Tony Wonder was in his bedroom and they had had something that maybe counted as sex and it had been fantastic. He was still smiling when he opened the bedroom door and stepped out into the hall.

“Thanks for coming so late, Maria,” he said. But it wasn't Maria at all. It was Michael.

–

Five minutes after feeling happier than he could ever remember being in his life, Gob was force-feeding his brother a roofie. Strange how quickly situations could change.

“Fuck,” Tony was saying when Gob re-entered the bedroom. “Fuckfuckfuckfuck.” He was trying to pull his jeans on while hopping on one leg, and apparently failing.

“Whoa, Tony, it's okay,” Gob said. “Calm down before you zip yourself into your pants and lose your one good nut.”

Tony had his back to Gob – and his jeans were not quite pulled all the way up, and Gob found himself staring at the top of Tony's ass because apparently he hadn't put his underwear back on, and Gob was intensely aware that they hadn't actually seen each other naked with the lights on yet. He had apparently been right about the nail polish, because there was a streak of pink dripping down the inseam. Tony went still, breathing deeply and deliberately, but there was still tension visible in his shoulders, and Gob crossed the room and put his hands on them, trying to ease the tension out. “That was my brother... I gave him a forget-me-now, and anyway what are you even worried about? You’ve been out of the closet for years.”

“Oh,” Tony said. “Oh, geez, you're right. I don't know why I panicked, I just...” He sighed, muscles relaxing. “Damn, Gobie, you have great hands.”

“Same,” Gob said, which maybe didn't quite make sense, but he loved Tony's hands. “Uh, you're not in a hurry to get out of here, are you?” Because they were both wide awake again, maybe more than they'd been all night. 

“No,” Tony said, slowly, like it was something he was just realizing. “No, I'm really not.”

They were going to do it again. There was no doubt in Gob's mind about that, even though he still wasn't quite sure what “it” was, and even though Michael was still passed out downstairs. Even though they were standing there with the lights on and no masks any more, no excuses or pretenses. They were there together in the bedroom and Tony was staying because he wanted to and Gob wanted him to. Tony turned around and for the first time all night Gob could really _look_ at him, at the way his perfectly spiked hair had gotten mussed, at the way his eyes were crinkled up at the edges, the little indulgent smile on his lips. And Tony was looking back at _him_ , which made his mouth go dry. Looking at him, and then reaching out with his amazing perfect hands and undoing the top button of his shirt. Then the second. Then the third. Gob was holding his breath but for once he wasn't running.

–

Maria never did show up. When his mother's phone call woke Gob the next morning the glitter was still on the ceiling, a silent testament that what had happened the night before had not been some kind of crazy wonderful gay dream. 

“No scandals,” she said, but the forget-me-now had taken care of Michael, and Gob's life suddenly seemed to be taking a turn for the better.

He noticed a voicemail waiting for him when he got out of the shower , listened to it while shaving, and didn't know what to feel, so he didn't feel anything.

_and the vision that was planted in my brain still remains_

There was a box of Mr. Clean Magic Erasers under the sink. He took one out, wet it under the faucet, and went to take care of the glitter himself.


End file.
